Using an Exercise from the book: Escaping the Matrix
If I had done the Escaping the Matrix exercise of picturing God two years ago, my mind would have formed an image — because I’m a visual person. And that image would have looked something like this:
- A stern, sometimes angry old man.
- Scary, hard to know, and harder to please.
- In control, but seemingly arbitrary in His judgments.
That perception was shaped by two things:
- My father: As an alcoholic, he could be both my rock (sober: wise, protective, loving) and unpredictable (drunk: petty, arbitrary, mean).
- My learning: I learned that God was completely sovereign, majestic, unreachable. Calvin’s God — utterly in control, beyond comprehension — felt distant, even cold.
Through recent study, that image of God reminded me less of the God revealed in Jesus, and more of pagan gods: powerful, inscrutable, demanding. Like Zeus, kingly and commanding, enthroned with thunderbolts, mighty and untouchable.
It left me wondering: Did Calvin just perfect Zeus — make him even more distant and powerful?
At any rate, I knew something had to change in how I saw God.
Coming to Jesus — My Real God
Over this past year, I’ve been learning to make Jesus my core. I’d call it “reKnewing my mind.” I began writing out my story and drafting my Core Beliefs (see Journey to my Core Beliefs on this blog).
A theme has always drawn me — starting with my longing and attraction to an all-loving God. But for years, I never truly connected that all-loving God with Jesus. I saw Jesus as part of God, yes — but not as the full revelation of God himself.
Through last year’s SEM (School of Everyday Mission – seminary program), I began to embrace a Jesus-Centric theology:
- God is Jesus.
- Jesus is God.
- To know Jesus is to know God most fully.
This year, with SEM’s focus on Mending Our Broken Hearts — and especially through the exercise of this book, to picture God — it is all coming together. I can now say: I really “get” who God is, without Calvin’s distance or my father’s anger overshadowing Him.
My Revelation
When I imagine God now, I focus on Jesus. And what I see is this:
Jesus, welcoming, loving, kind.
Jesus, saying, “Come to me.”
Jesus, embracing me — even me as my little boy — holding me close.
And in that embrace, I hear Him speaking to me:
“Peter, I love you more than you could possibly imagine. I could not love you more than I do right now. I love you with an everlasting love. You are my beloved child and my radiant bride.”
“Peter, I sing and dance over you! I rejoice that I’ve found you and you’re mine. I will never leave you nor forsake you—never! I considered it a joy to give my life so we can be together eternally.”
“Peter, I know you better than you know yourself— and I love you. I know your struggles and your wounds, and together we’re going to conquer the struggles and heal the wounds. You’re going to shine like the sun when we’re through.”
This is My God.
Not a distant, stern Zeus-like ruler. Not an arbitrary judge. But Jesus — the living God who loves me personally, embraces me fully, and rejoices over me with everlasting love. And is the savior of the world, and His creation.
SeePhas 