WANDERING – Part I

The Long Road of Not Knowing What’s Wrong

For most of my adult life, I carried a sense that something was wrong inside me.

Not dramatic. Not catastrophic.

But a deep and persistent ache—like a splinter embedded so early that you forget you’re limping.

And so I found ways to medicate the ache. Some behaviors that hurt me, and those around me.

At age 30, I went searching for help.

I didn’t have language for my pain, only knowing that I needed guidance.

But my inner life was as wandering as was my faith at the time.

And so began thirty years of searching—into books, therapists, spiritual leaders, personality frameworks, and professional advice.

I was looking for someone, something who could help me understand myself – and help me.

Someone who could look beneath the behavior, beneath the image, beneath the survival strategies—and see the person.

Instead, I found… something else.

This is the story of what came before good help—because to appreciate good help, you must first know what bad help looks like.

Next: “Bad Help – Part II.”